Sunday, August 28, 2011

having time for this nonsense

This is a true story. This is also breakout session three, which answers a question that writers ask me frequently, and, as evidenced by today's attendance, are actually willing to pay to hear an answer to.

This is the question:

Here are some of the things I have actually found in my life:
  1. When I was a kid, I once found a poster for a theatrical production called "The Country Boy" in an abandoned house. The play was a comedy, and it was from around 1915. I still have that poster somewhere.
  2. My brothers and I once found a rolled-up scroll with Hebrew writing on it. We took it to someone to have it translated. It was some bizarre kind of threat or curse. I am not making this shit up. It was scary. I do not still have that scroll.
  3. I found a hobo inside an industrial trash compacter. He had been compacted. I called paramedics. I think the hobo survived. I do not still have him, either.
  4. Once, when I was shopping for groceries shortly after the birth of my son (he was just a few weeks old, I think), I found a banana had ended up beneath his car seat, which attached to the top of the shopping basket. We were very poor in those days, so buying individual bananas was a regular extravagance. I got all the way out to my car and loaded up before I found the banana. I had to reload my son into the shopping cart and go back into the store and wait in line to pay for one banana. I did not want my pre-lingual-mass-of-semi-conscious-goo infant son to start out life as a dishonest thief. Somebody ended up eating the banana. Probably me.
And that's about it as far as finding shit, I think.

I'm having trouble finding the flash drive I had that has about four unpublished books of mine on it.

Good thing whenever I start a new WIP, I always write By James Patterson on it.

I don't know why I pick on James Patterson so much.

Wait. Yes, I do.

But it's kind of like the Republic of San Marino picking on China. Nobody would care if San Marino got its ass kicked.

Nobody would even know about it if it was raining hard in New York.

Anyway, I'll have to tell you more about FINDING time tomorrow.

I have shit to do.