Monday, June 6, 2011

an open letter to lauren myracle, jackie morse kessler, and cheryl rainfield

We need to plan.

Look, if we're going to be all evil and shit, we need a couple things, so let me shoot some ideas out there.

Can one of you guys get a minion to jot this down on the whiteboard, please?




I figure we're gonna need outfits. Klingons have 'em, don't they? Except -- and I know this is gonna sound crazy, but bear with me -- can I just say... ewww! way too brooding, klunky, and dark. Even the original, retro Klingon outfit... Burlap??? Are you fucking kidding me???

What do you think about jumpsuits?

Tapered, of course.

I don't want to look like Chubby and the Chubettes.

After all, we are evil.

Not fat.


Jumpsuits and -- duh! -- we'll need secret headquarters.

I could live with underground, but we'll have to do something about the humidity.

And nobody will know about our headquarters because it will be located in some upscale, urbane community and will only be marked by our...

secret logo.

We need someone on this logo thing, pronto.

It needs to be simple, yet bold. I'm thinking maybe black, thick lines (which would look really delicious on our jumpsuits) that, when you see it, it will shout out, like, I don't know, all the things we stand for, like mutilation, f-bombs, and penises and shit.

You know, all the shit in our credo.

Which we do have, right?

Because we're evil.

Who's turn was it to bring the snacks?