Friday, November 11, 2011

if you ever want to get shot in ealing

So, the reason I did not post anything yesterday was NOT because I have nothing to say.

I've just been... um... kind of immersed in something.

As I said, I have a Monday (as in the-day-after-freaking-tomorrow) deadline for Passenger (the sequel to The Marbury Lens).

Guess what?

I am finished.

Guess what else?

I am reading the entire book again. Just because it's a trip.

Passenger makes The Marbury Lens look like a Thomas Kincaid painting.

With fluffy kittens.

Just so you know.

So, to make up for skipping out yesterday, I have four things to give you today (aside from the above taunt, which, admittedly, is kind of like standing in front of a tiger cage and waving a Polska Kielbasa through the bars).

1. The Miami Book Fair International: I will blog more about this in the coming days. I promise to upload pictures and stuff from there. I looked through the stuff they sent me yesterday, and I was like Holy Shit! I absolutely can't believe what an incredible book festival this is. Guess who will be there.


Chuck Palahniuk.

I do not care about anything else.

2. Someone asked me for the story about the kid named Ian: I have told this before. I think. Maybe not. But I'll start with a side-story:

At the first Bridge to Books event I attended, at Vroman's in Pasadena, I met this young blogger named Tessa who asked me to sign The Marbury Lens for her. Tessa was 14 at the time, a very sweet and brilliant girl. I was, like... Uh... How old are you? This book is kind of mature...

But it was all good. She had actually already read the book, and liked it very much. And I met her parents, too... so, it was like Whew!

Look. I'll be honest. I want young kids to be careful about reading my books. Every reader is an individual, and that makes the whole idea of "recommended ages" completely impractical.

So, when I got an email from this kid named Ian, who was ELEVEN years old and wanted to ask about The Marbury Lens, I (this is absolutely true) asked him if his parents were okay with him reading the book. I also thought I was probably being pranked by someone.

After all... eleven???

But I always respond to all my email. Even the ones from China trying to sell me aphrodisiac ointments.

So, Ian and I exchanged several emails. Eventually, he asked if I would be willing to come to the Miami Book Fair International, because his mother is one of the organizers of the event.

Where Chuck Palahniuk is going to be.

This is why authors should always answer email.

Even if they have to use Google Translate.

So, Ian, a brilliant young reader, actually arranged for me to be part of the Miami Book Fair International this year. And I am really looking forward to meeting this young man of impeccable taste and maturity well beyond his years.

3. A video review of The Marbury Lens: You Have to see this. It is such a great book show:

4. A random and genuine photo I took this week: I am having a hard time understanding this.

Weird things happen to me in urinals.

I do not know why.

I have blogged about this before.

I was in a urinal this week. Alone.

It was a good thing nobody else was there.

Guys get anxious when you take out a cell phone camera in urinals.

That is another story entirely.

But somebody left this in the urinal:

If you cannot tell what it is, it is a plastic scientific beaker that is partially filled with piss.

I am not making this up.

It is my job to tell the truth.