Sunday, November 22, 2009

hottest writing babes. ever.

Okay, yesterday I noticed this ridiculous piece on "She Knows Dot Com" that ranked the five sexiest (and one honorable mention) male authors alive.

All I can say is, man... good thing "She Knows Dot Com" did that, because those poor guys would probably never get laid if they didn't. Oh... and zen-like moment... when I logged in to the page, the first ad in the upper-right corner beside the story was an advertisement for toilet cleaner.

It was like saying, "Hey gals, after you're finished reading about the five (plus one honorable mention) sexiest male authors alive, you can get back to work and clean the fucking toilets."

Ah, marketing.

You know, I really despise stuff like this. But someone's got to do it. Who, if not me -- the REAL Andrew Smith -- will stand up on behalf of the hottie chicks who write? Unlike "She Knows Dot Com," though, my list spans the ages of smokin'-hotness. I don't care if they're alive or not. I'm a guy, after all. We like pictures.

So here, without further discourse, is my list of the five (with one honorable mention) all-time hottest babes who ever strained themselves putting pen to paper:

Number 5: Carson McCullers

Half-empty, or half-full? Hmm...

Number 4: George Eliot

George also appears on another list: "Authors who wear their own body weight in clothing."

Number 3: Harriet Beecher Stowe

That is one. serious. part.

Number 2: Gertrude Stein

I've finally found my definitive answer to Facebook's "Which celebrity do you look like?" poll.

Number 1: Sarah Palin

Are you kidding me? Pure. Smokin'. Hotness. Until she talks, that is.

Honorable Mention: Virginia Woolf

I had a dream about her the other night. Seriously.