Thursday, March 1, 2012

there is nothing like cup-o-noodles to calm a boy down

I have been gone for a while.

There are ten reasons why I have not been posting new blog entries lately.

The first reason was that I wrote a blog post called the ten reasons why I have not been blogging and then I decided not to post it.

The second reason is that I changed my running routine, so I am doing more miles in the morning -- at 4 a.m. when it is dark and I am most certainly going to be killed, killed, killed! -- and then running in the afternoons, too.

I run twice per day on most days.

I have not missed a day of running since the 1990s.

That is a lot of days.

I ran in an icy snowfall on Monday. I even run when I'm injured, which is dumb, but... oh well.

And that is actually the topic of the day: Doing Dumb Stuff.

I am kind of obsessed with the historical significance of doing dumb stuff.

I'll get back to that thought in a minute.

Here's what else I do: Whenever I talk to someone, I write notes.

I have a list of ten reasons why I do that, but I am not going to post that list.

One of the reasons would be this: It was helpful that one time a police detective phoned me and made threats about using his position within the Los Angeles Police Department to "fuck my life."

He was a nice man! Not at all mentally unbalanced!

To protect and to serve!

Enough of this whimsical digression.

Last night I had a conversation with a writer friend. I do not have lots of writer friends I can talk to about writing stuff due to the fact that most writers are far too busy being clever and shit like that.

Being clever takes a lot of energy.

I wrote these notes down during my conversation last night:

1. Do not ever use a [delete the clever idea mentioned] in one of your books, Drew. [Delete name of writer friend] will thumb-fuck your eye sockets if you do.

Let me say this: There is something elegant in that hyphenated verb up there.

Also, I never employ ideas from other writers or attempt a "retelling" of any "classic tale" in my work. One thing I can be fairly certain about is that nobody has ever thought, upon reading something I've submitted, "Gee, this is exactly like three other books we are listing in next year's catalog!"

Same same same. I get so bored, so easy.

2. Contact the Cup-O-Noodles corporate offices to enquire about payment for product placement.


But you know what we talked about that was particularly interesting?

No. Of course you don't. Not unless you are that crooked and out-of-control LAPD detective and you have bugged my office with listening devices.

We talked about how clueless we were when we started out "being writers," and how we easily forget just how dumb we were about so many things.

Which reminds me to talk about Doing Dumb Stuff here on this blog.

I will get to that.