Wednesday, February 18, 2009


I'm going to attempt to do this.

My wireless keyboard is acting up. And all this time I thought it liked the little bits of caramel corn and beer foam I've been feeding it.

Unlike most people in California, I refuse to answer my cell phone while I'm driving. Besides, it's too hard to get out of my pocket, and, invariably, if I try, I will be stopped in traffic next to some biker dude who stares at me while I stretch and contort, no doubt thinking to himself, "This sick bastard is playing with himself in traffic."

So I don't bother.

And don't even get me started on those Bluetooth things.

I mean... are you freekin serious?

Who, honestly, is so important they need one of those?

More importantly, who, honestly, has such impermeable self-esteem that they would walk around with one of those things on their freekin head and not feel like you're on center stage in the Lobster Boy tent at a 1900s Midwest sideshow? Especially the ones that light up or blink???

I envy people who can do that and be completely unaware that there are people like me -- and that biker dude next to me -- out there.

Always out there.