If you were one of the thousands of my fans jamming the switchboards at Facebook yesterday... yes, it's true, I was off Facebook from 11:55 a.m. until 12:07 p.m. California time.
That was twelve minutes. From now on, I'm going to try to not be on Facebook for at least one minute per month, so I figured I'd do a whole year's worth of suffering in one day.
It was difficult, but thanks to the support of my iPhone, I made it through.
See, I got this killer new app on my iPhone called The Doctor is In. It actually is a virtual therapist, but it doesn't charge you. And, exactly like a high-paid-oh-I-went-to-college-to-learn-how-to-solve-all-your-miserable-hangups therapist does, all it does is ask questions and provide no answers.
Here's a bit of the transcript:
TDII: How are you feeling today, Drew?
Drew (that's me): I can't seem to cope with anything.
TDII: Why do you suppose you can't cope with anything?
Drew: Because I'm burdened with guilt, a sense of self-loss, and intense episodes of doubt.
TDII: Tell me about your guilt, sense of self-loss, and intense episodes of doubt?
Isn't that AMAZING???
Who needs salvation when you have a fucking iPhone in your pocket?
Closest Thai food place? Want to know currency conversion for Tajikistan? Baby, we're all set.
I can't wait for the voice-activated version of The Doctor is In to come out, though, because when I was using it yesterday I accidentally crashed into a school.
Don't judge me.
It's a four-day weekend. The kids were all gone. Well, actually, they ran and hid as soon as I went through the chain link fence.
So what if I drove away?