Monday, December 8, 2008

raising loserdom to a new level

Okay... just let me tell you how much of a loser I am.

Last night, I made dinner. It involved chopping up jalapeno peppers. Oh yeah... I wear contact lenses because I'm not just a loser, I'm a blind loser. So, when I took my contacts out at bedtime, it was like... sweet mother of God. It felt like being skinned alive, childbirth, breastfeeding a lamprey, all rolled into one.

Okay. So that was bad enough. But it was kind of cool because it had been a while (like two days) since I'd cried myself to sleep.

And I figured that when I woke up, everything would be okay. But no. Contact lens solution does not wash away jalapeno juice. So when I put them back in after my shower, it was flashback to the skinned-alive-childbirth-lamprey sensation.

Yeah. I know.

I'm a loser.

And, speaking of losers, I was thinking I'd put on a different hat today and write a bit about the economy and what I predict we can look forward to (Smith, having not just an advanced degree in loserosity, but a solid background in the dismal science... was that Malthus or Ricardo? Hmm... but I digress).

Here's the deal, and I am quite willing to debate this issue with anyone except Paul Krugman, maybe, but those favoring a monetary approach to our current economic recession are taking the entirely wrong approach. The Fed can't expect to see results in aggregate demand shifting by lowering interest rates and allowing commercial banks to increase M1. We've seen as much demonstrated already because the bailout money is largely being horded and has yet to produce any results along the credit lines.

And why would you expect it to? Who would sanely take out credit for investment given the outrageous level of unemployment and the prospect of a potential deflation-crash depression?

The only thing that can be done (and we know this is true, but it is going to take some BALLS, is massive government spending. That's it. The only way. And don't give me any knee-jerk proclamations of socialism. You're an idiot if you don't prefer being a well-fed "socialist" (if that's the name you want to use) as opposed to an emaciated and tubercular laissez-faire capitalist.

So... I predict the following: Massive government spending legislation on President Obama's desk by inauguration day, and an extension of the Bush tax cuts. It's the best, but ballsiest, approach -- solving this crisis fiscally as opposed to monetarily.

Okay... I am done being an economist for today.

And, finally, I have been inspired by my friend, literary agent Jen Rofe. About a month ago, she wrote every day for a month about things she was grateful for... I think she called it The Gratitude Experiment (correct me if I'm wrong, Jen).

I figure I've been too sour-pussy lately, so I've decided to give it a go, too (and adhere to her restriction on material possessions... which I honestly do not care about, anyway).

So... here goes for day 1 of things I am grateful for:

Kids. Not just my kids, but kids in general. They are awesome without going out of their way to try to be. In the last month, I think I've spoken before about 1000 kids at various high schools, and each time I've been so uplifted by their insights, inquisitiveness, and their energy.


Let's see what I'm grateful for tomorrow (and it won't be my accomplishments in loserosity).