My cat, the cat that kills things, is a freekin witch or something.
I knew that cat was like Judge Holden from Blood Meridian the day I saw it fighting with a rattlesnake on the side of the house. So... what can I do? No one screws with the judge, and when he asks you to trade something with him... well... it's the judge.
I went out to the garage this morning shortly after waking up. And I saw the cat had eaten a bird on its little tie-dyed bed. Okay... the cat is also a hippie, kind of like Mitch from in the path of falling objects, too. A psycho hippie. And when Mitch asks you to do something... well... you know.
But the cat had arranged this little killing shrine there, carefully placing a 4 of Spades and an empty peanut shell within the murder scene. And I have no idea where those things came from... it's not like I have peanuts and playing cards spread out all over the garage floor.
I am aware that to admit to superstitious belief is a confession of frailty and ignorance, but... you know. I'm a loser. But I consulted the "meaning of the cards" (you could look up the four of Spades on Google) and found this:
FOUR OF SPADES -- FREEDOM -- Lifting of oppression; the inner power of the individual stands unchained.
Okay. I know I've been a bit oppressive to this particular cat at times in its career as a murderer, but I didn't think the consequences of an occasional chase-around-the-house with a squirt gun would include the employment of the darker forces to unchain the cat's inner power.
Now what do I do?
This thing isn't going to be satisfied with the infrequent helpless bird. It's a monster wrapped up in black fur.
It's me or the cat.
I knew it would come to this.
I saw it playing a fiddle and dancing naked out there in the garage last night.
I'm going to need to do something to level the playing field. If you don't hear from me... have them look for my remains on the tie-dyed cat bed.