Monday, October 19, 2009

hold the salt and stuff...

Okay, so the whirlwind week is only just beginning, and I am not going to ask what have I gotten myself into.

Today, I am making four high school presentations at Ayala High and Chino Hills High School, and then, in the afternoon, I am heading over to Mrs. Nelson's Toy and Book Store in La Verne.

At 4 p.m.

You need to be there.

Then I am going home, but only for a few hours. You see, I've neglected to go to my "real job" for a while now, and the kids miss me, and I miss them, too.


Well, to be honest, not all of them. Some of them I definitely do not miss.

But it is Teen Read Week, and every year during TRW I read to the kids, and they've been bugging me about it for some time. Sheesh!, make a promise to kids and they expect you to get all accountable and stuff. I also let any of the students who want to, stand up and read aloud to their classmates.

And they get to read WHATEVER they want to read. This, in a community populated by Prop-8-Teabagger-Birther-Keep-Your-Kids-Home-From-School-To-Protest-Our-Black-President-Speaking-To-Students-Conspiracists (who, thankfully, do not read the blooogs)... because just guess what their kids like to read?

Okay. You really do have to guess, because I'm not going to say. You know why? Because the oh-so-politically-minded adults in the community don't read books, either. And all they know about the books (and most other things) they learn to hate comes from the flash-comment from some idiot who'll say something like "That book has SEX in it," or, "That book has a Homosexual in it, and portrays him in a favorable light."

So, I'm not telling. So get your tea bags out and try to block access to my classroom. Throw your heaving and prostrated bodies on the ground in front of me. I don't care. Really.

[Read with the accent of stupidity: "Did he just say 'prostrate?' Was that a reference to penises on his blog?"]

But then, I'll be heading directly to Los Angeles to (I think) speak to kids at Marshall High School, and capping off the day with a visit/reading/signing/pizza party/Guitar Hero giveaway (I shit you not) at the Los Feliz Branch of the Los Angeles Public Library, 1874 Hillhurst Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90027 along with the incredibly cool, I-am-dying-to-meet-her author Cylin Busby (who got top billing on the library's advert, which, by the way, was just a little "off" on the title of my book):

...So you owe me a margarita for that, Los Feliz Branch of the Los Angeles Public Library!

Wait, I hate margaritas. Unless you "hold" all the crap you put in them that isn't tequila. I could even do it without the glass. Take that! Jack Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces.

So... go to the library!

Win Guitar Hero!

Oh... and I'm going to be giving away [insert correct title] in the path of falling objects swag of all kinds.

Hope to see you and your kids at the library.

Leave your tea bags at home.