Saturday, February 13, 2010

letter from the ceo

From: Mark Zuckerberg, CEO
Facebook, Inc.
1601 S. California Ave.
Palo Alto, CA 94304

Dear Mr. Smith,

Here at Facebook, we are constantly trying to enhance our members' experience by offering as wide an array of second-party games and applications possible.

Unfortunately, in recent days, we have been inundated by user requests seeking information on joining a fictitious game you have alluded to on your Profile Page -- a game called Alkie-Ville.

Regrettably, we must instruct you to cease all references to Alkie-Ville, for the following reasons:

1. Baby cows are not being fed in Farmville. Barns are not being built.

2. Orphan baby ocelots are wandering around between the cages in Zooland.

3. Fish are dying in Aquariumville.

And all this because users are flocking away from their virtual responsibilities, lured by the promise of libation and recklessness in Alkie-Ville.

I've had my research department look into the matter. Penguins cannot serve alcohol, and there has never been a recorded case of one pecking out the eyes of a human being.

Please, stop playing Alkie-Ville on Facebook. Our other applications are being ignored. This is akin to what Britain did to China in the Opium Wars, and you should feel responsible for our unfinished construction and hungry, abandoned, or orphaned baby animals.


Mark Zuckerberg, CEO
Facebook, Inc.