When all is said and done, it is bound to be rather quiet and boring.
I realized something yesterday.
This is a true story.
I received an email from Daniel Kraus, concerning this upcoming panel of speakers at the 2012 Booklist Youth Forum I will be a part of to kick off the American Library Association's Annual Conference in June.
The panel is moderated by Daniel Kraus, author of the book Rotters, which is one of my favorite books from 2011. The topic of the evening is: Men at Work: Guy Writers Talk Guy Readers.
I have an awful lot I could say about that. I may bring some puppets.
It has been more than a decade since Christina Hoff Sommers published her War Against Boys. Although she makes some valid points, I think the conclusions drawn from her work -- and where we have gone since that time in regimenting an expectation of failure when it comes to boys and literacy -- are mistaken and harmful.
But that's not exactly what I realized yesterday.
I realized this:
I am on this panel with Michael Grant, Jon Sciezska, and Daniel Handler.
Am I spelling Scieszka correctly? Nearly every time I see someone post something about him, they spell his name differently.
Maybe he has lots of email aliases.
That is not what I realized, either.
I realized that Michael Grant and Jon Scieszka both have "people" who answer their emails and make appointments for panels and shit like that.
Holy shit.
Not only that, but Daniel Handler wasn't even included on the email at all, even though he was spoken to in the body of the message.
Holy shit again.
Daniel Handler has a fucking INVISIBLE person who answers his email and makes appointments for panels and shit like that.
I am such a nobody!
19 comments:
Your last name has too few vowels.
Or consonants, rather.
LOL @ Matt. <---I think there's a crime in that.
Andrew, I dearly hope you're not leading into some self-pity fest with this post. Those other authors only have more time in the market than you do. You'll get there. And I bet once you do, you'll wish you could come back.
Andrew hates words like rather, Jon, so I try to use them as often as I can around him.
Puppets!
You crafty man. I'm thinking of another man who declared himself a nobody, or words to that effect, and then he poked a cyclops in the eye with a sharp stick and proceeded to become a name and shit like that. No Body! Ha ha!
Your nobody status gives my nobody status much hope. :)
Andrew, I was going to suggest you devise a catchy nom de plume a la Lemony Snicket, which would immediately give you the panache to acquire "people." But then I read Kristen's reply and I laughed so hard that my weeks-old bronchitis kicked in and I forgot the end of my thought.
So, there.
Odysseus Smith (sounds even better with a lisp)
I would like to volunteer to be your 'people' but I don't have enough arms. If only I was a real squid.
I believe your are A Smith.
Andrew Smith.
I'm trying to rework those letters but I can't get "nobody" out of it no matter how you shake a stick at it.
Does this mean I have to read War Against Boys? I don't wanna. I'm only going for the librarian wet t-shirt contest.
I'm going to ALA.
I can be "people."
I carry a clipboard with the moral authority of a woman who gets her class lined up with precision for fire drills by threatening to sing songs from the Sound of Music.
I can, if I must, swivel around competently in pumps as long as they are not higher than two inches.
I've been told that I clean up real well!
I can wear reading glasses and peer intensely at stuff.
I can carry the puppets in a coordinated, environmentally sensitive case.
I can wear an Ear Growth and stare at an electronic device and whisper next to plants about Important Deals.
I can do gravitas.
I can carry a bottle of Evian. Or something. I'm pretty sure the hipflask would be better, though.
And if any fan became too avid, I have some super secret agony inducers I learned because of a job I had in a far and distant land awhile ago. And I can smile as I administer them.
Odysseus Smith has a posse if he wants one.
Pelfrey wrote a freaking poem.
If Kristen is going to be your administrative assistant, I better come so I can be your bodyguard.
WV 1: Arynbout - a rare Highland Scotch Whisky, known for fomenting discord and causing rows.
WV 2(yes, the have 2 now, the morons): Foment - wait. That's a real word. What the fuck, Google?
If Kristin and Matt get a post, may I be at your side carrying your iPad?
You guys are hilarious! If all of you attend, there shall be no greater ALA kickoff night for the rest of my prospective career(s). :)
See? Nobody has a posse like you. I am short and fierce but look entirely amiable, like a dangerous cupcake. Matthew is tall, and can clearly go into Enraged Panda mode at will. Jonathan makes us a triumverate of unstoppable entouragedom. And if Adam is there...well, roll me in sugar and call me a doughnut, mister.
You done got yerself "people."
Love.
Yes. Infinite and Unstoppable.
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