Wednesday, May 2, 2012
So yesterday I was on strike.
I was on such a deep strike that I was also on strike from clashing with authorities, which is something I do on a daily basis.
How liberating it was to be on strike from clashing with authorities.
This is a true story: Once, in order to hide myself from the police, who for whatever reason wanted to clash with me, I hid inside a trash dumpster.
Those were the days.
Now it's all work, work, work, and clash, clash, clash, which is also what makes America great.
You know what else makes America great? Drinking single-batch Kentucky bourbon and watching horses race, which is going to be happening on Saturday. Saturday is also Cinco de Mayo in California, which gives white people with no understanding of history the excuse to make "Seven Layer Dip" and play beer pong in their garages with canned Tecate beer.
I once asked a kid why he found using a "beer bong" so enjoyable. I have never used a "beer bong."
A "beer bong" is a plastic tube that teenagers and unemployed perverts insert into their esophagus, so they can wrong-way-enema their digestive tracts with quart after quart of beer.
Fun, fun, fun!
Once again, American ingenuity trumps all.
So here's what's happening: On Saturday/Cinco de Mayo/Beer bong day/Kentucky Derby, four authors have agreed to a second running of last year's THE BET.
The authors are myself, Brian Farrey, Kimberly Pauley, and Catherine Ryan Hyde.
We are the brave writers who are NOT AFRAID TO WRITE.
Writing is our way of Clashing With Authorities, of beer bonging without the whole shove-this-tube-down-your-esophagus discomfort.
THE BET works like this: Each of us has chosen a horse in the Kentucky Derby field. The author whose horse comes in ahead of the other three gets to make up a title and the second place author/horse combo must write a short story WITH THAT TITLE. Second place makes up a title for third, and third place creates a title for fourth.
First place writes no story, and fourth place makes up no title.
The three stories, when written, will all be posted on the same day, absolutely free of charge (which is as anti-American as you can get) on our author blogs.
We did it last year.
We are back.
This is what we do.
Where did I leave that beer bong?